Passive Voice Rule Of Thumb

One of the simplest things you can do to improve your writing is to avoid the passive voice. However, there can be a time and a place for it. The time and place for the passive voice is when you are writing dialouge.

The reason it's OK to use passive tense in dialogue is because people often talk that way. Meanwhile, the way authors describe a scene, a person's appearance or a what somebody thinks of a situation is not the way most people talk. But when you describe those things, you need to find a way to grab the reader's attention and get them to visualize things.

When you have a typical conversation, you should have the other person's attention. So when you write a conversation, your reader should understand that the people talking to each other have each other's attention. (Of course, that's not always the case, whether it's real life or when you write a conversation.) But it's OK to have your characters use the passive voice when they talk. You don't want to overdo it (unless you have a character who talks a certain way) but you can get away with it as a writer.

But when you write narration, your task is to capture the reader's attention. Some people might talk in passive tense, but that doesn't mean those people will read it. Passive voice causes readers to drift away and your job is to keep your reader's attention.

Think of it this way: Narration and dialogue are different. Narration means describing action, scenery, objects or feelings. Active voice does the best job illustrating that and allowing your readers to visualize or relate to it. Dialogue is about how your characters talk and their words do the best job of that. The dialogue itself should be enough to convey to readers how the characters talks. You can add to that with brief narration about the character's movement or posture, but the words the character says provide a lot.

If you are looking for the best way to improve your writing, eliminating the passive voice is a good first step. Just remember that your focus should be on your narration first and your dialogue second.

Review: Star Wars: The Force Awakens (Spoilers)

So I promised last week that I'd talk about Star Wars: The Force Awakens, which I assume most people have seen by now. The film has already become the highest-grossing film of all time in the United States and it's now chasing the all-time worldwide record.

Even so, I'll start with non-spoiler comments for those of you who haven't seen it yet (and I understand there are those people who just don't go to the movie theater) and follow with spoiler material beyond the cut.

First of all, I think the film is going to be launching point for Daisy Ridley's movie career beyond the Star Wars franchise. I loved her portrayal of Rey and how much emotion and depth she brought to the character. It may be too soon to compare her to Harrison Ford, who went on to more starring roles in films than any other actor in the original Star Wars trilogy, but I think it seems reasonable to compare Ridley to Jennifer Lawrence, in that a particular franchise brings her to greater prominence and leads to supporting roles in other films, but keeps building on that and convinces studios that more lead roles should come her way.

Kylo Ren is perhaps the most interesting villain the Star Wars franchise has had, because it's clear he's conflicted. Darth Vader certainly gave the aura of "pure evil" in the first two released films, and I don't think they did the best job they could of making him conflicted in the third film, but they are off to a good start with Ren. With any luck, it should make any forthcoming confrontations with Rey or Finn more intriguing.

I was fine with Finn and the idea of having a Stromtrooper who turns away from the First Order was a good way to show that these troopers aren't all these mindless soldiers who just follow orders. Poe was a good character, too, although his screen time was limited and I will be interested to see if he takes a bigger role in future films.

And while there are multiple nods and tie-ins to the first Star Wars film released, I can understand why that was done. The purpose is to bring back memories for people who watched the first film in theaters and fell in love with the franchise, while introducing the Star Wars world to a new audience who doesn't necessarily have strong ties to the original trilogy. And at least the nods to the first film tied in with a new story that introduced unique characters who take different journeys forward than Luke Skywalker, Han Solo and Princess Leia Organa did.

Now to some spoilers, so don't go beyond the link if you don't want to know more.

Book Update: In The Home Stretch

Whew... holidays were rough this year, thanks mainly to me coming down with a mild case of pneumonia. So I spent most of those days lying in bed.

I'm doing better now, though, and now comes the part in which I prepare to polish up the draft of my first novel (and this process started back in April 2015 and has gone through six drafts) and start going to the next step (yes, this year is the year I plan to not talk so much about the novel and start getting it on the path toward publication).

My book writing experience, though, has led me to a lot of changes and new experiences. I picked up a bunch of books to read, I started attending meetings of the Kansas Writers Association, I joined up with another writer's group and I've gotten feedback from multiple people about my draft. Plus I've had the chance to find out what a few other authors are thinking about through Twitter.

It's been a good experience, as it's allowed me to broaden my writing and got me generating a bunch of ideas not just for this series I'm planning, but for some other book ideas as well. Once I get this draft polished and sent off for consideration among agents, or perhaps smaller publishers if an opportunity comes along, I can start writing the first draft of my second planned book.

In the meantime, I have some other plans in the works, but won't start talking them up until I actually do those things. But I do promise that I should be a little more active here at the blog (as I have mentioned, the plan is to update every Sunday) and hopefully I'll get the chance to explore more writing of other authors out there (and there are a lot -- there are more than 300 authors who I follow on Twitter and I'm sure that's just the start of the list of authors out there).

Yeah, a lot of things I hope to do -- it's just a matter of following up on them, particularly on this first book I've written. With any luck, I'll get to the point that I'm not just talking about my writing and that I'm talking more about that there will be published material you'll get a chance to read.

Next week: I'll sit down and talk about the new Star Wars movie. By then, everyone who wants to see hopefully has done so and there's no worries about discussing spoliers!

Still Here, But With A Few New Years Resolutions

Been a while since I blogged, hasn't it?

A lot has been happening in real life. Had to deal with a cough that wouldn't go away. Had family visiting for Thanksgiving. Had projects to finish at work, then my work schedule picked up a bit. I had plans to settle down and work on some writing this past week, but a friend of mine I met online passed away (and he was only 33 years old) and it was tough for met to focus on some of the writing projects I wanted to do. And this week, I'm preparing to go home for Christmas.

The good news is that I got a lot of feedback from several people on my novel draft, some of it regarding the whole draft and some regarding a few chapters, and now I'm at the point where I believe the time has come to do that final polish (although I plan to get a little more feedback from somebody on a couple more chapters) and start thinking about the next step: Preparing query letters and pitches and finding an agent.

I have other things planned for the coming year, which you might say are my New Year's resolutions. I want to become a paid member of the Kansas Writer's Association and I need to think about getting my own website going. But another resolution I want to make is that I want to get this blog updated more often.

My plan is to do updates every Sunday morning, starting with the new year. That's a time I'm usually doing laundry and should be able to sit down and write something. And while I've tried to keep this focused on writing topics, I've realized that sometimes you aren't going to have something on your mind about that. Sometimes you just need to blog about whatever happens to cross your mind at that point. (The exception: NFL football, which I write about for Thin Air).

So that's what I'm planning on doing once the new year begins. In the meantime, I hope to get myself focused again on the other writing projects I do (you can learn about that, and the website Thin Air, right here) and get some of the chapters of my planned novel polished. I started on that first draft back in April 2015, so January will mark 10 months from the point I started this process of writing, revising, researching and reaching out to more people.

With any luck, I'll have something more to share with you on this blog on a weekly basis. And for those who have followed me on Twitter, I hope to pop on a little more often than I have been (I have two accounts, but the other one I use focuses more on my work and sports-related thoughts).

Also, I asked for an Amazon Fire tablet for Christmas, so maybe I'll even get a chance to check out more writings from independent authors. I know a lot of them have followed me on Twitter and I do want to learn more about what they are up to.

As for my own novel, with any luck, it might get to the point where I'm not just talking about my draft any more.

All the best to everyone this holiday season, whatever it is you celebrate, and be safe.

Avoiding Sleepers

Yesterday I attended the November meeting of the Kansas Writers Association, at which the topic, led by author Sara Jenlink, was writing style and how to improve it.

Among the subjects she covered was avoiding sleepers. That means avoiding certain words or forms as much as possible because they tend to not draw readers into your work.

Most authors know to avoid the passive voice whenever possible. That's because the passive voice doesn't draw the reader's attention like the active voice. "He was running from the area" does not command a reader's attention like "he fled the scene."  The writer should not say "she was wide eyed" because "her eyes widened" works better.

Jenlink also discussed the weather report, or what is the real focus of a scene. One shouldn't write that it was hot, but write about a character wiping sweat from his brow or fanning a hand in front of his face.

Other sleepers to avoid are:

* The to + verb combination. To walk, to see, to do. You should not write "she tried to see." Instead, you should write "she strained her gaze."
* "Have to." Unless you are writing dialogue, use a word such as must, essential, or required.
* Limit the usage of verbs ending in -ing. "He started running" can be rewritten as "he quickened his pace" or "he moved faster."
* Avoid ending a sentence with an -ly word, also known as an adverb. That's not just about Tom Swifties, but describing action. Figure out how to show the meaning or action.
* "Got to." Avoid the word "got" as much as possible, except in dialogue.
* "Seems." Either replace the word, use an active word or add a passage to establish when something is vague.
* Avoid starting a sentence with "this is" or "there was" or "these are." Rewrite the sentence and focus on the object. Not effective: This is the car I like to drive. More effective: I like my Chevrolet.
* Don't use "start" or "begin" to describe an action. Get to the action. Do not write "it started to rain" when "raindrops fell" works better.
* Limit prepositional phrases. If you have already described where and when, you need not repeat that.
* "The problem" sentence. Your character, in dialogue, might say "the problem is that we have no money." But if you're describing first-person point of view, write "we had no money" or "we were broke" or you might get creative and write "we stared at our empty wallets."
* Don't start a sentence with a question word such as "what" or "how." Get to the main noun and verb.

You may find you can't eliminate in sleepers -- even the best writers occasionally use them. But your objective is to minimize the sleepers outside of dialogue.

Even when writing dialogue, you can cut down the sleepers. Think about how most people talk -- for example, they don't use the passive voice all the time. On the other hand, "it seems to me" is a phrase people will likely use in conversation, and so is "we have to go." Your dialogue should reflect how your characters talk, so while reducing sleepers may help, you shouldn't do it if it isn't in line with the way your character speaks.

Your narration, however, needs to keep your reader's attention. Sleepers will reduce your story's readability. If you want readers focused on your narrator, make sure your writing style keeps them that way.

Why Mockingjay Works Better As A Two-Part Film

In just a couple of weeks, Mockingjay Part Two will hit the theaters and conclude The Hunger Games series on film. io9.com has an interview with producer Nina Jacobson and director Francis Lawrence about how splitting the adaptation of the third book into two movies allowed them more freedom.

Naturally, the comments section followed with multiple people saying that the only reason it got split into two films was so the studios could make more money. Never mind that's the opening line of the io9 article and it's the Captain Obvious statement to end all such statements. So that begs the question: Why couldn't they just do a three-hour movie to get more stuff in from the book?

What, you think every single arc that needs to be completed and characters whose relationship with Katniss Everdeen needs fleshing out could be accomplished just by adding 35 minutes? Oh wait, did everyone forget that the first two Hunger Games film clock in at nearly two-and-a-half hours each? And they had to cut plenty of stuff out, too.

Of course, one can argue (and I would agree) that much of the stuff that got cut out of the first two films wasn't important to include in the films. The entire arc with Madge Undersee and how she was related to the Mockingjay pin was eliminated. Additional background on Katniss' relationship with Prim (most notably the goat story) is gone. The Avoxes are reduced to the background. We never see Gale's family or Peeta's family. Katniss' prep team gets just a couple of cameo appearances in the second film. The District 8 refugees who tried to locate District 13 are never mentioned. Heck, the entire arc that closes the first book, about how the Capitol is mad at Katniss for showing up their spectacle, is reduced to a few quick "let me sum up" scenes in the first film.

Even with all that material reduced or scrapped, the first two films still ran nearly two-and-a-half hours each. So how could one honestly think everything that gets wrapped up in the third book could get addressed in one three-hour film? Wasn't one of the complaints about Mockingjay that the third book seemed rushed, lacked suspense and didn't neatly tie up every loose end? Doesn't it sound like keeping the film adaptation to one three-hour ride cause the same problems?

Hey, I'm aware of how Hollywood operates with these final installments ever since the final Harry Potter film was split into two parts. But setting that aside, there are several good reasons for why Mockingjay's film adaptation works better as a two-parter and, in some ways, improves upon the book.

A warning: Spoilers follow, so don't keep reading if you haven't read Mockingjay.

Flexibility A Key To Good Writing

The talk among writers during November is NaNoWriMo, or National Novel Writing Month, in which writers are tasked with writing a full-length novel during the month of November. I didn't get into it this year because I'm still trying to perfect my first work.

It's been interesting to see how this journey has unfolded. It started with me going at this on my own, then sharing my work with an old friend, who was gracious to go through it and give me some advice. Then came research on what I could do to make my work better, which led to the second draft. Then I read books about writing and publishing advice and that's when I learned about how getting involved with a writer's group would help.

So that led to a third draft which I brought to the groups to review and got a lot of suggestions on what I could do to make it better. That led to a fourth draft, in which I got additional suggestions, and a fifth draft, which I sent out to a couple of beta readers. And now the book is in the sixth draft and I'm hoping to get to another writer's group so they can see my work. With any luck, the book will hit the stage in which it just needs a polish and I can roll with it.

Meanwhile, I've got ideas for the next part of the trilogy and where I want to go with it. As the next parts take shape, I've envisioned different things about where the story should go, which characters introduced take on important roles and which ones need to fade more into the background. At least one character I thought would take on a major role is turning more into a background character because there wasn't any way I could give him a more expansive role in the story. He has a little importance, but not as much as others do.

The lesson I learned is about flexibility when planning something out for the long term, and that sometimes what you think is going to work out, doesn't go the way you intended. The best thing you can do is adjust so that your vision works better. The worst thing you can do is cling to something too tightly. You can hold firm on a few things, but you can't hold firm on everything.

It's like life. You may have certain ideas you don't want to lose, certain things you intend to do no matter what, but you find you aren't able to make all those ideas work the way you expected and that some things you really want to do just aren't going to happen. It's not for a lack of trying, it's for realizing that life, like writing, demands flexibility and a willingness to adjust. Stay too rigid and it's far less likely things will work out as you expect.

Yeah, that sounds like advice for all our politicians and lobbyists in Washington, doesn't it?

But I'll get off the political tangent and get back to writing. What I've learned is that when you sit down to write, you have to be prepared to adjust if you want the best possible product. You can do this without losing your vision entirely. And you might find that your vision changes somewhat, taking you places you didn't expect to go.

I'd be interested to hear more from others about what they envisioned for their first novels and what changed along the way. I'm betting few writers had final drafts that fit exactly with what they wanted from the start, that they learned that some things had to change, some things had to be eliminated and some things had to go a different direction, because the characters and world they had demanded it.

As for NaNoWriMo, will I ever do it? Perhaps in the future. This trilogy is taking priority, but once that's out of the way, I have a few other book ideas that might lead to a NaNoWriMo project.

But with those ideas, I expect them to be the same as this one, and with life: You've got to be flexible and learn what needs to change with your thinking.

(A brief update on the book: I'm at 61,823 words in 22 chapters, with three more to finish, and those should come this week. With any luck, I can get back to the writer's group in Pratt so they can see what I've got, and maybe a few others with the Kansas Writers Association will be interested in where things are going.)